Rumble in the Jungle

 

There is no way I can lose.

I’m better than them. They don’t stand a chance.

“You’re a thousand years to early to defeat me”, I growl, more for my own benefit than theirs.

In every way, I am measurably superior: I’m stronger than them; I’m faster than them; I have the weight and height advantage; Sure, they are quick learners, but my brain is alive with knowledge, experience, and cunning that they can’t even begin to fathom.

I have been preparing for this challenge for weeks, and they barely saw it coming. In every conceivable contest of strength and willpower, I have the undeniable advantage…

So why is my gut telling me, as I stare down the barrel of a long weekend, just me alone with my one year old and three year old: “they are going to crush you”?

Hurry back home, my wife. I love you.

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Graph of the Day #5 – Delicious things start with C

Get your mind out of the gutter, I’m talking about herbs and spices.

So our spice drawer holds about 49 jars. When i started writing my list of herbs and spices to first fill the jars, my wife said that it was overkill… We ended up culling the list so that we had space for some “wild card” jars (which is a really good idea. That way you can store the excess when you make up a spice mix, meat rub, etc)… it was really easy to come up with a list of 50 herbs and spices.

Graph of the Day 4 – Just Watch That Exponential Growth Rate

So my brother told me that he has just bought two rabbits for his family…

My advise to his was simple: “sometimes, if you love something (and want to avoif the destruction of your property and the starvation of an entire herd of herbivores), you need to eat it and a select number of its offspring.”

Words to live by.

(As always, if you really need explanatio , leave a comment below)

Graph of the Day 3 – Counterintuitive Dress vs. Stress relationship

I quite liked this one. 

You’d think that the more stressed one is, the more poorly dressed one would appear. If you continued off the end of the graph, you’d probably find that to be true (once you really have NOTHING to wear, or get dumped by your wife and have to fend for yourself), however in the short term, the opposite is true.

When life is hard, low priority jobs like laundry and ironing take a back-seat to other priorities, so you might find yourself wearing clothes to work which you’d normally save for more special occasions.

Sometimes graphing stuff is a great way to discover the truth.

The Lightbulb Audit – Ver. 1.2.2

Greetings all,

It’s been a while since I posted anything substantial, so I’m glad to finally be able to announce an update on The Lightbulb Audit.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with it, The Lightbulb Audit is an app designed to help you take stock of not only the types of light fittings in your house, but also what type of bulbs you have installed. This will hopefully assist you in reducing your electricity consumption (through being able to audit your usage and demonstrating potential energy savings). It will also hopefully ensure that you know what type of bulb you actually need, the next time you’re trying to replace that blown light that you have been putting off because you can never remember whether it’s a screw or bayonette type, and how bright does it need to be, besides, going to the toilet in the dark isn’t THAT bad, right?

Refer to my original post if you want a more rambling details: The Lightbulb Audit – original post

To get the App (android only, and I’m not going to apologise for that): The Lightbulb Audit – via Google Play Store

Updates in this post include:

  • Finally implimented a Sort function (sort by room, type, power, or order added to list)
  • Import function (import from .csv in the same format as the export .csv, including header row. this is for importing from the excel version of the-lightbulb-audit)
  • Minor formatting and usability update
  • (Minor bug fix from versions 1.2.0 and 1.2.1 which I released in rapid succession last night… oops!)

As I’ve said before, two very important points:

  • I’m not a professional developer, so if you have any negative feedback, comments or questions, please leave them as comments HERE, rather than trashing the App’s review score
  • I’ve posted the App for free, but there is a small ad banner in the app. The only way I’ll ever make any money off this app is if you CLICK ON THE BANNER when you see an ad for something that might interest you. I’d never encourage you to click on ads just to get me a few cents, but if you’re in the app, and you see an ad for something that tweaks your interest, check it out!

Thanks for your time, I hope you find my app useful!

Graph of the day 2 – Why it’s impossible to clean a child

Unless you are willing take the “Stop it, or I’m turning the hose on you!” approach to parenting (which I think should be open to discussion, but my wife informs me is not, in fact, an option), it is foolish to think that you can actually get your child completely clean once they have eaten a meal. This is demonstrated in the following chart which, I believe, doesn’t require any further explaining.

2 - Why it's impossible to get a child 100% clean, post-meal

 

For those who do feel the need for further explanation…

I’m sure any parent will be familiar with this phenomenon. Your young child finishes a meal… covered in drink, food, and… other stuff that you are just praying is food. So you grab a baby wipe and wipe their face. Then, as you are attempting to wipe one of their flailing hands, the other sneaky appendage reaches up to smear a fresh (although slightly diluted) layer of food onto their face. So you pick whichever bodily part looks the dirtiest, and wipe that… meanwhile, the child rubs the remaining bit of dirt onto the “fresh canvas”.

If this continued, the child would never, theoretically, be 100% clean. I’ve found, however, that it normally ends when you reach the point of “Fine! Whatever buddy, daddy needs to eat HIS dinner”.

Yeah. Being a parent is largely about lowering your standards on what’s an acceptable level of hygiene.

Graph of the day 1 – Parking vs. Mood

Every time I’m having a bad week, and I’m just a bit over it, life smacks me in the face by making me drive around for 15 minutes looking for a parking space. All that effort, just so that I can be somewhere that I’d rather I weren’t.

But life has a way of balancing things out. In this case, I got a nice graph out of it. Silver linings.