Unless you are willing take the “Stop it, or I’m turning the hose on you!” approach to parenting (which I think should be open to discussion, but my wife informs me is not, in fact, an option), it is foolish to think that you can actually get your child completely clean once they have eaten a meal. This is demonstrated in the following chart which, I believe, doesn’t require any further explaining.
For those who do feel the need for further explanation…
I’m sure any parent will be familiar with this phenomenon. Your young child finishes a meal… covered in drink, food, and… other stuff that you are just praying is food. So you grab a baby wipe and wipe their face. Then, as you are attempting to wipe one of their flailing hands, the other sneaky appendage reaches up to smear a fresh (although slightly diluted) layer of food onto their face. So you pick whichever bodily part looks the dirtiest, and wipe that… meanwhile, the child rubs the remaining bit of dirt onto the “fresh canvas”.
If this continued, the child would never, theoretically, be 100% clean. I’ve found, however, that it normally ends when you reach the point of “Fine! Whatever buddy, daddy needs to eat HIS dinner”.
Yeah. Being a parent is largely about lowering your standards on what’s an acceptable level of hygiene.
Every time I’m having a bad week, and I’m just a bit over it, life smacks me in the face by making me drive around for 15 minutes looking for a parking space. All that effort, just so that I can be somewhere that I’d rather I weren’t.
But life has a way of balancing things out. In this case, I got a nice graph out of it. Silver linings.
There are many traits that are prevalent amongst engineers (there are plenty of jokes about this, normally told with glee by lesser humans), but i think there is possibly only one which appears to be universal:
We love free food.
Most engineers are honest people, who are not open to corruption, but they will do things for food that they would never do for money. As a result, it is common practise for equipment suppliers to come in to our offices to present “lunch and learn” sessions. While these sessions aren’t going to sway us to use a certain product (we are generally, after all, technophiles, and will always go for the technically superior product), the mention of a free lunch does ensure that the vendors get a room full of engineers who are too busy eating to ask annoying questions.
After these lunch and learns, we will discuss the merits of the presentation amongst ourselves: starting with the quality of the food, then on to the quality of the equipment being demonstrated.
But when you get engineers doing technical evaluations on food… weird things happen…
I was telling my wife about one such Lunch-and-learn, and the duck & coleslaw bagel that I ate:
“You know what the best thing about a good bagel is?” I asked her, as we ate dinner.
“What?” She asked, and really should have known better.
“The bit in the middle where there is a hole in the bagel, but the filling continues… actually, there’s probably a graph for that…” I mused.
“You don’t need to graph it, baby” she said, wishing she wasn’t just dead wrong.
“Oh yes, my little turnip. Yes I do…” I turned to the whiteboard on our kitchen wall…
I present to you… The Bagel Graph
(Filling as a ratio to bagel bread. Apologies for the quality of the graph, I tried to sketch it as neatly as I could on my smartphone).
Something this morning made me recall this joke. It has been over a decade since I first read it (it doesn’t work as a spoken joke), and in all that time, I haven’t heard another computer or number themed joke that even comes close. So without further ado…
There are 10 types of people on earth; those who understand binary, and those who don’t.